the joyful insomniac

stop me when my refrain becomes unbearably repetitive, but i've been so happy lately, i hardly know what to do with myself. for example:
i couldn't fall asleep earlier tonight because after we finished skyping, sue called and told me about her prom date(!) and by the time our conversation was over, i was too wired to sleep so i went for a midnight walk.

earlier today i heard something on the radio about the upcoming fiftieth anniversary of the moon landing, and i thought, holy shit! dad was alive for that! so of course i started thinking about how i can transform that into a short story or essay, but my ideas all fell flat because i don't have anything to work with. i can't imagine dad being twelve, or having simple, non-religious thoughts... can you? i realized that i should call him soon and try to weasel the story out before it's too late, but maybe i should stop pestering him. when do i just let his stories go? it seems like he would like that best, but it's not only his history, it's mine too, you know?
okay, i'm going to stop now because this gloominess is not an accurate reflection of what i was feeling earlier.

what i was feeling earlier--as i was walking down the main road, hands in pockets, and nose slightly numb (i briefly tricked my mind into thinking it was winter, but i dropped the thought immediately)--was an inexplicable eagerness to live. which is abstract and doesn't say much at all, but bear with me. i've been having a hard time pegging down my feelings lately--a good sign, maybe? one that says i'm maturing, experiencing emotions that push beyond the fickle spectrum of my youth?
oh lord, i'm over-analyzing again. all this just to say, i couldn't smell the cherry blossoms because my nostrils lost their function, and to absorb my setting i used my eyes instead--i looked straight up, and saw the big dipper and thought, it's in my zenith! it's in my zenith!

which is to say, astronomy has exceeded my highest expectations (and you know i set the bar high)--i've learned something new in every class so far, my lab group is perfect, and my instructor is a bad ass. anyway, you know how my thoughts are this time of night--i start making connections to everything, so i started thinking about this term in general, and realized it's probably my best so far. even stats, which started out dreadfully boring, has improved--i think the instructor has a hidden sense of humor, and the only way you can pick up on it is by reading into his eyebrow raises and offhanded comments about nothing in particular. i'm the only one who laughs, though, so i'm either really smart or really, really dumb. and judging by the general intelligence of the class, it's probably the latter.

okay, i'm starting to fall apart. i'm ready for bed now, and i'm sorry if i trailed off and never finished telling you what i meant to say. oh! your letter came--seven pages! you outdo yourself, woman. i love you, so so so much. thisss is probably one of those delete-tomorrow posts, so if you miss it, consider yourself lucky. good night.